The End is the Beginning is the End

21 Dec

The end is nigh… The ‘Smashing Pumpkins’ song is appropriate.

21-12-2012

Any sight of zombies?

Well that was anticlimactic. It’s 11.23pm over here in Aus.

I spent the end of 2000 in the most boring way possible. At home watching the festivities on television and without even party food. I haven’t ever had particularly memorable NYEs. There are times when I wish I’d done the sex drugs and rock n roll thing when I was younger like other normal teens just so I’d have interesting stories.

I read in a news article that people were doing confessions on ‘Twitter’ in preparation for the apocalypse.

I confess that whilst I own two copies of ‘The Portrait of the Artist as Young Man’, I still haven’t read it despite having them for five years. I confess that when I was 9, I got through a few pages of ‘The Hobbit’ before giving up as the made-up names was too confusing. I confess that to this day I haven’t read any of the ‘Lord of the Rings’ books nor have I seen any of the films. I confess that I started listening to ‘Radiohead’ because everyone else was and found their music boring and that it’s only in the past year have I really appreciated their music. ‘Fake Plastic Trees’ is beautiful. I confess that I don’t like ‘Midnight Symphony’ as I find it too dark. I confess that I still read children’s books. I confess that I shove things under the bed so that place looks clean.

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Christmas Unicorn

15 Dec

Poor neglected blog. My viewer stats have decreased, slowly but steadily.

Until a few days ago, I thought that the twelve days of Christmas were before Christmas. Google tells me that it starts on the 25th ends on January 5th. Well there you go.

Christmas is my favourite time of the year. It may be to celebrate Jesus’ birthday but I feel that it’s the world’s birthday. I love Christmas songs, singing about sleigh rides and winter wonderlands despite the 30degree heat over here. Currently listening to ‘Christmas Unicorn’ by Sufjan Stevens. It’s a Christmas song unlike you’ve ever heard before. Utterly mad and I wonder what drugs he was on when he wrote it. I like it but can understand why one wouldn’t like it, a cacophony with weird lyrics and it oddly samples ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’.

Inspired by Momma Be Thy Name and going to write about my top 10 least favourite Christmas songs. Bah, humbug. In no particular order:

Number 1 is definitely ‘The Millennium Prayer’by Cliff Richard. Technically it doesn’t have any mention of Christmas in it but for all intents and purposes, it’s a Christmas song. Just a cheap song, combining the Lord’s Prayer and ‘Auld Lang Syne’. I felt guilty hating this as a kid as it felt blasphemous and it was for charity. It was for charity but it would have been more charitable of Cliff not to release it. Dreck. 

2. ‘Santa Baby’, Madonna’s version. It’s hard to top Eartha Kitt’s playful version but Madonna sounds cutesy and sexless. Eartha sounds sophisticated whilst singing dirty but Madonna sounds like she’s trying to channel Marilyn Monroe. So wrong. Michael Buble has released a ‘male’ version of the song and I’m too afraid to d/l it.

3. ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’by whocares. Not cute, just creepy. The poor kid in song is undoubtedly in therapy now.

4. Band Aid 2’s version of ‘Do They Know it’s Christmas’. I love the original version as cheesy as it is. It was an excellent exercise in PR and prob. didn’t that much good but that’s besides the point. It’s nostalgic and very 80s and whilst it does give a bit of a guilt trip, it does remind us to look out for our fellow humanbeings. Now the BandAid 2 version had Kylie Minogue, Cliff Richard and a few unmemorable 90s singers and it’s a pop mess.

5. ‘Platinum Bells’ by Destiny’s Child. The whole ‘8 Days of Xmas’ album was objectively bad, soulless vanity album. ‘Silent Night’ was oversung by Beyonce so she could show off her vocal ‘range’. Their voices aren’t terrible and Christmas songs are an easy money maker but none of the songs sounded anything like the originals. ‘Platinum Bells’ is a their take on ‘Silver Bells’ but it’s just rubbish.

6. ‘Baby it’s Cold Outside’ Dean Martin. Somebody on a forum said that they thought it as being a ‘Date Rape Christmas Carol’. Sums it up. If it weren’t for the lyrics, it wouldn’t be too bad.

7. ‘Blue Christmas’ by Elvis. I don’t go out of my way to listen to Elvis songs but don’t mind his stuff. ‘Blue Christmas’ is prob. the worst song he’s done. Depressing and rather boring.

8. ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’. Putting this with that Christmas donkey song and one about wanting a hippopotamus. These songs are supremely annoying and only those under 10 could like these songs. Urgh, damn novely songs.

9. ‘The Christmas Song’ by Alvin and the Chipmunks. Remember ‘The Crazy Frog’, ‘Hampton the Hamster, ‘Schnappi’? Remember how you wanted to hurt small animals whenever you heard those songs? Yea. The song is as grating and I hate that helium chipmunk voice. Not cute, annoying.

10. ‘Christmas Shoes’. They made a FILM around the song. They also made a film around Thomas Kincade pictures so there’s no accounting for taste. Urgh, just awful, awful. Overwrought song tries to tug heart strings in an insipidway with poor people realising the ‘true meaning of Christmas.

Human Behaviour

5 Dec

‘Human Behaviour’ is a gloriously mad song by the gloriously mad Bjork.

I wanted to be a journalist back in the day before I really understood how dangerous and competitive a job it would be. I don’t have what it takes to pry into somebody’s business and destroy their lives for the sake of a story.

I keep abreast of the news and like to read the comments by the readers. The quality of  Australian news media leaves a lot to be desired. The newspapers recyle the same trash and ‘The Age’, once a respected paper, is almost on par with the very right wing, biased rag ‘The Herald Sun’. ‘The Australian’ is probably the only paper worth reading for Melburnians but it’s not easily accessible. Papers in the other states are just as bad.

The following list seem to be topics that are discussed nowadays are (in no particular order). Some actual, real news would be nice for a change.

1. Whether or not smoking should be banned in outside of restaurants/sidewalks/public places in general. I’m a non-smoker but feel rather sorry for the smokers. Smokers have the right smoke their coffin nails in peace

2. Should marijuana be legalised. I roll my eyes whenever I see this topic as it’s pulled out every few days. I did see a debate about legalising ecstasy recently so maybe they’re moving onto harder drugs.

3. The pay packets of CEOs. Jobs are cut and the proles struggle yet they still earn huge salaries.

4. Gillard vs Abbott. Or Gillard vs Rudd. Or mix it up a bit with Bailieu, Carr and others. And whatever problem Australia has now, blame it on Gillard. Politician hate has always been fashionable and our first female Prime Minister is especially disliked.

5. Housing prices. Sky rocketing and those meanie banks keep raising interest rates.

6. Should teachers be paid more. Occasionally they’ll be very controversial and ask whether or not nurses or police should be paid more. Prepare for the whinge from teachers about how much they work and having to deal with ratty kids.

7. The death of retail. It’s the government’s fault, take your pick of which. Be prepared for complaints about customer service, how cheap things are online and why can’t Gerry Harvey just shut up. Oh, and of course it’s the government’s fault.

8. Whether or not Australia should stay a monarchy or become a republic. Australia still wants a monarchy but when things are quiet, this topic is a good standby.

9. Should gays be allowed to married. Occasionally they’ll push the envelope further and ask gays should be allowed to adopt. Prepare also for a religious debate here. And homophobes are kinda funny in an awful way.

10. Whether or not Australia is a racist country. Oh boy, this is a fun topic. Throw the term ‘bogan’ around a bit and you’re set.

11. Asylym seekers and immigration and general. It’s seen as a drain on our resources and those who come over are seen as savage ingrates. Oh and they supposedly steal jobs from the locals. The media fuels the paranoia, omigodtheyretakingover.

12. The laws of other countries. Bali and Indonesia get a fair bit of coverage due to some silly tourist bringing drugs into the country and being harshly punished for it. Of course we Aussies think that our laws are the only ones that matter.

13. The Myki fiasco. Myki is Melbourne’s troubled transport smartcard system that has become a national joke due to its delays and immense financial cost.

14. Getting rid of the pokies. Gambling addiction is a problem but the pokies are a soure of revenue for the government so it’s unlikely they’ll get rid of them any time soon.

15. Compulsory immunisation of children is the latest hot topic. Prepare for pop science from both sides.

16. Centrelink benefits and teen mothers. Teen mothers are living it up on government benefits and shows like ‘Teen Mom’ from America don’t help matters.

And some other great topics to recyle are taxi drivers who don’t take passengers, overseas call centres, carbon tax, delayed flights, ipads, internet filters, abortion, euthanasia, etc.

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows

5 Dec

It’s snowing on ‘WordPress’. Gee, that’s ducky.

How I love my little blog and the fantastic community that is ‘WordPress’. I have been on here for less than a month yet have learnt so much from people all around of the world. So few of my friends are interested in some things I like so I’ve found a place where I can talk about what interests me. Thank you guys for reading and supporting me.

I’ve read about cursive handwriting, nostalgia for lp’s, world events, losing a spouse, book reviews, pets and have been around the world from the comfort of my bed. Off topic but I don’t own a desk and use my laptop in bed under the covers like a child would. I have an HP laptop, the same one as Dan Humphrey has on ‘Gossip Girl’.

I have been nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award by the very sweet.  The jaded ‘WordPressers’ may think it’s meaningless but I’m touched. I’m glad that I entertain or inform people out there.

Sunshine Blogger Award Rules

  1. Display the award logo on your blog.
  2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
  3. State 5 things about yourself.
  4. Pass the award onto 6 other bloggers and link to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by ping back.

Five Things About Me

  1. I hate sultanas and raisins and pick them out of things.
  2. I have never seen the ending of ‘Grease’. I’ve seen ‘Grease’ five or six times through my life and liked what I saw but only ever got about halfway  through the film.
  3. I always carry a book around. I don’t buy bags that don’t fit paperbacks anymore.
  4. When I was younger, I carried around some dry cat biscuits to feed to random cats.
  5. When talking about new movies in cinemas that my friends haven’t seen yet I say ‘oh he died at the end’ just to bug them.

I Nominate These Bloggers (even though some have already been nominated).

  1. jamesroom964x: He obv. has some grey matter, is eloquent and writes about interesting topics. He is also a positive representation of Gen Y.
  2. Closed the Cover: She likes to read and is terrif.
  3. Ad-libb3d: Family guy who seems to be living this idyllic life in Canada.
  4. philofelinist: Yep, that’s me. Nominating myself because I’m existential like that.
  5. rhythm & method She/They are Australian which already makes her/them fabulous but they also have some useful tips about blogging.
  6. Auxiliary Memory I’m still young and am already nostalgic for ‘the good ol’ days’. He has some wonderful entries about LP’s which takes me back.

This Charming Man

29 Nov

It’s was 38degrees earlier today and it’s still too stiflingly warm to write a deep and meaningful post. It’s going to storm tomorrow but still be frustratingly warm, the kind of weather you’re not sure how to dress for. Oh well, typical four seasons in one day.

I’m a big Morrissey fan. The guy was a lyrical poet and extremely influential but so few people my age have heard of him or ‘The Smiths’. ‘Everyday is Like Sunday’ is one of my favourite songs. There’s a Morrissey song for every experience, ‘How Soon is Now’ for those dark moments, the catchy ‘The First of the Gang to Die’ when you feel like dancing despite the morbid topic, ‘Let Me Kiss You’ for when you love someone who doesn’t love you back, ‘Suedehead’ for just because and ‘Moon River’ that is maudlin and heavy and very unlike Audrey Hepburn’s light and sweet version.

I’ve written 15 (this is number 16) posts so far and all the artists have been male, so uncool.

My girlfriends and I would talk about our ideal guy and I had a list of what I wanted. Yes, an actual list that I wrote down on the train. From memory:

1. He had to be taller than me when I wore heels. I’m 5’7” so it was a must.

2. He had to be handsome. People say looks fade in the long run but, at least you’d have twenty years of them still goodlooking. Personalities also change in the long run and there must be some attraction. Hey, I still in my teens at the time.

3. He had to have gone to uni. Nothing against those who didn’t go onto further study post highschool but it’s what I wanted.

4. He had to have a decent job or at the least potential to have a good job. Ideally a doctor or lawyer as every parent wants their kid to date one.

5. He had to be my husband and be the father of my children. I’m still fairly traditional. I value loyalty, honesty and trustworthiness.

6.  He had to like books and music I did. I wanted to be able talk to him about the things that I liked.

7.  He had to have white skin. No racism there, it’s just what I’m attracted to. I also prefer brown hair over blonde.

8. He had to be a natty dresser. I’m not the world’s most polished and fashionable of girls but I didn’t want to date a scruff.

9. He had to be ‘pure’, not smoke, drink, do drugs, not swear and have had very few girlfriends. I’m a good girl.

10. He had to have a decent family who would accept me.

In summary, I wanted a metrosexual model who was educated and enjoyed reading. A beautiful nerd who was faithful and would marry me and we’d live the perfect life with 2.5 kids and a picket fence.

I’ll write about what my ex was actually like in my future posts.

Oxford Comma

24 Nov

I’ve read articles and blogs bemoaning the death of the semi-colon. It’s got a funny name but is so seldom used that some are calling for its removal. The oxford comma is used even less than the semi-colon. At least the oxford comma was immortalised in a song by ‘Vampire Weekend’ The ultimate hipster band and one of the few modern bands that I really like. ‘Contra’ is one of the few albums that I have listened to in its entirety. Who gives a f*** about an oxford comma indeed.

I vote for the death of a few words and I am not alone in my hatred, see this list . Swear words and racial epithets aren’t included. And I’m not going to put down the slang that we Gen Y-ers use. Man, this will be like, totally epic.

Moist: Universally hated by all women, could there be a more disgusting word. There are ‘Facebook’ pages campainging for its removal. I knew I wasn’t the only one who found it icky. It brings up connotations of chocolate cakes or female body parts. I shudder when the weather man uses it

Panties: I thought it was a cute word when I was a kid, very American, but as I’ve grown older it sounds so wrong. So childishly cute in a skeevy way. I agree with the Huffington Post, it sounds like a word that a paedophile would use.

Grotesque: I don’t mind words that have bad meanings but sound bad. It sounds ‘slimy’ somehow. It didn’t help that I read a book with that name which is an exceptionally dark book about prostitutes, paedophiles and private school girls by Natsuo Kirino.

Banal: I like the word but it’s one of those words that people avoid saying as they’re unsure of how to pronounce it. Making it rhyme with ‘canal’ is a safe option.

Pimple: I wasn’t acne prone during my adolescence and it was only when I started working fulltime that I got a few of them. It just sounds icky, maybe because it has the word ‘pimp’ in it. I use the American word ‘zit’ instead.

Flesh: It makes my skin crawl, something so animalistic about it. It reminds me of Shylock (whom I actually feel sorry for, he’s got a bad rep) wanting to hack off Antonio’s flesh.

Squat: I hate doing them in exercise but they bring up inelegant connotations of going to the loo.

Belly: It rhymes with ‘jelly’. I use ‘tummy’ as it sounds cuter.

Bulbous: It sounds so fleshy, like a tumour filled with pus. Or a technical term for a scrotum.

What are your most hated words?

Sadeness

23 Nov

Remember ‘Sadeness’ by Enigma? Probably the only song that charted that had Gregorian chants. It’s a strange, hypnotic, sensual song. I didn’t like it when I was young, it was a bit too weird. The interest in mysticism in the 90s probably stems from this song. Interesting song, religious and about the Marquis de Sade. Ah Sade, that crazy weirdo. The original practitioner of s&m, he believed that sex had to be painful to be pleasurable. It’s quite a topic for a popular song.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock (and not in Aus), you’ve heard about the Jill Meagher case. A pretty woman who worked at the ABC who went missing and was later found dead. In a senseless attack by a stranger.

As insensitive as it might be, I’m a bit over it. It was undoubtedly horrible and sad but the media really overplayed it. Every front page was dedicated to Jill and it seemed that every news program was too (from the two minutes of tv I saw in waiting rooms). I read that a couple of other women had gone missing as well but they were just mentioned in passing. Those women it turned out later had died of natural causes but they had been missing for about the same time as Jill and potentially could have been in danger.

So Jill had been out drinking with her work colleagues at night and then vanished. There was footage from a clothing shop and she and a man were outside and appeared to be arguing. The mystery heightened, did she know him, were they having an affair, was he a stranger. Her body turned up a few days later, she had been stabbed and the killer arrested. A seemingly ordinary guy and it was an opportunistic killing.

The media increased its frenzy. It became more obsessed about her, this pretty Irish expat with a bright future had been taken from us. She had worked at the ABC as a Radio Coordinator so it undoubtedly had something to do with the intense press coverage. It got to the point where Jill’s family actually asked the public not to say anything more that might bias the trial against the killer.

Then the marches started. March for Jill’s memory! Peace March! March for more public cameras! Say no to violence against women! It’s not as if women are being murdered on a regular basis and that this murder could have been completely avoided. There will always be sickos who will go out for a kill. We know about ‘stranger danger’, it’s been drilled into us. We’ve heard enough about women being murdered and avoid dark alleys.

A young girl, Sarah Cafferkey recently reported missing and later found to be murdered, again by older men. Unlike Jill, it is believed that Sarah knew these men. This incident happened a few weeks after Jill’s murder so it has heightened the public’s paranoia and sadness. It seems as though so many young women are being murdered and that Australia is no longer safe.

Both Jill and Sarah have become the poster girls for violence against women. Not just by strangers but by family members. There is to be a ‘White Ribbon’ march as somehow their murders have increased an awareness of domestic violence. Whilst it is always good for there to be stands on domestic violence, it seems like a bit of a farce. Jill and Sarah hadn’t been victims of abuse, they had just been targeted a couple of twisted men.

The public needs this. The picture of Jill next to a bookcase is haunting. She is looking upwards and smiling, innocent looking, pale faced and pretty. She is white, middle-class with a good job, things like this aren’t meant to happen. Sarah is smiling and looks your typical popular 22-yr old.

The public’s obsession with the women is exhausting. The more marches there are, the more hysteria. They need to preserve the memory of these two pretty white women. Let them, it’s upsetting yes but frankly, the marches are about rebelling against the patriachal society. Men killed the women. It’s a march about feminism, we have the right to wear short skirts, be alone at night and not be murdered.