One Headlight

17 Nov

‘The Wallflowers’ was part of my uni playlist and ‘One Headlight’ was played excessively (On my Creative Zen, no iPod for me back then). They’re the kind of band that people like but don’t obsess over. I fell in love with Jakob Dylan. Oh god. Beautiful man.

It’s 04.00am and what better to do than entertain myself with a blog. I apologise in advance for the disjoined nature this entry is bound to be. I’ve decided to write about a couple of popular books that I hated so much that I went on Amazon to check out the one-star reviews. So here’s Part 1. ‘Twilight’ and ’50 Shades of Grey’ have been reviewed to death but really, the more negative reviews the merrier.

‘Twilight’-Stephanie Meyer. My ex bought me the first book as it meant to be like ‘Harry Potter’ with vampires (I’m a big, big ‘Harry Potter fan. In fact, I’ve put his birthday in every diary I’ve had since I was 14). So I expected to like this book though I didn’t know what it was about. The start was supremely boring and the writing amateurish. So, she meets this really goodlooking family, blah blah and thinks the guy doesn’t like her as he’s a tool but it turns out he does and then 2mins later it’s twoo wuv. And then oh god, the descriptions about his looks started. Oh the repetition.

I won’t go into an in-depth analysis of how toxic their relationship is as many have touched on that topic. I literally threw the book across the room as I was so disgusted by the repetition, creepy stalking, the repetitive descriptions, pining, the repetitive descriptions, the Mary Sue characters, etc. I actually bought a second hand copy later as I felt guilty about destroying the book that the ex had gotten me. The sequels were even worse, I didn’t think that was possible. I read them all, bored whilst staying at a former friend’s house and besides, I like to know what I’m bitching about.

I hate the idea of impressionable tweens reading this dreck. I’m disgusted that stalking, fantasising about killing, etc is okay so long as it’s ‘tru luv’ and so long as the man is ridiculously good-looking and wealthy. What does it say about us that this is popular. Just a few years ago, ‘The Princess Diaries’ was the most popular thing. How did we get from a feminist princess to being a pushover for this illusion of ‘love’? Is feminism dead? Or have we redefined it. We now have the right to choose stalker bad boys thanks to feminism.

Now onto’50 Shades of Grey’ by EL James. I knew about the media hype. How it had increased the sales of ropes. I knew it originated from ‘Twilight’ fanfiction so I only have myself to blame for bothering. Everything I hated about ‘Twilight’ was magnified in ’50 Shades’. The rubbish writing, the mawkish heroine, the older, wealthy man, the any-sane-woman-would-call-the-police-or-psychiatrist-on-him-but-it’s-true-love-because-the-author-says-it-is plot, the endless descriptions about the said older, wealthy man’s perfect face and eyes. Oh the frackin’ eyes. Don’t these women like oh, feet or anything?

I found myself bored, bored by the writing in ’50 Shades’. I rolled my eyes on every second page. I’m not against smut, we are adults after all. I used to sneak read my mother’s ‘Cosmopolitan’ magazines as a kid and have read more risque books (had been re-reading ‘Belle De Jour-Secret Diaries of a Call Girl) and gosh, if people’s sex lives have been improved by this book, I can only assume that they’ve done it maybe a few times purely for conception. To these people, I suggest that they watch a few dirty movies.

So, the descriptions about sex just got repetive. They were absurdly cringeworthy. Purple, purple prose. You know it’s a bad book when a book is known for being smutty has sex scenes which are just dull and repetitive. They were oddly clinical somehow. Back to the ‘plot’. Christian treats Anastasia badly but it’s okay, he’s really hot. Oh but it was ‘consensual’ sex you say. It was actually scary the control Christian had over her.

What I dislike about both books is how imbalanced the relationships are. The girls are cliches, ingenues who ‘tame’ seemingly unattainable men. The men are dazzling, debonair and dangerous. The Mary-Sues offer nothing to the relationship other than just being their ordinary selves. Well, Bella turns into a super-sparkly vampire and naturally, super-powerful. At the end of both series, both ‘girls’ get what they want. Baby and a guy. And their story is everywhere. Carrie ends up with well-off Big and can indulge her shoe addiction without guilt. I’m sure most who do online dating tick the box for well-off, tdh, gsoh, etc.

We need more stories about successful women who date less successful men. Or are we not ready for that. Off to sleep, 05.15am!

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5 Responses to “One Headlight”

  1. Ad-libb3d November 18, 2012 at 1:08 am #

    Love that Wallflowers song. The entire album, in fact.

    Laughed out loud with your thoughts on Twilight too. “twoo wuv…” lol

    • philofelinist November 18, 2012 at 2:27 am #

      Same. They’re a criminally underrated band.

  2. Lottie Eve November 18, 2012 at 10:55 pm #

    Completely agree with you on Twilight! I never read 50 shades of grey so I can’t exactly judge it but it seems pretty bad… And thank you for making me addicted to The Wallflowers 😀

  3. Katie November 21, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

    Haha, I just wrote about 50 Shades, too! No book has ever made me more crazy than that one. I hear about all the literary records its breaking and want to cry. Twilight is just as awful, too!

  4. Ned's Blog December 2, 2012 at 3:48 pm #

    My 16-year-old daughter, as you might expect, LOVED the Twilight series. I read through the first few chapters of the first book and gave up on it, thinking the movie(s), in a rare twist, would HAVE to be better than the book(s). As a surprise, I took her to see the midnight show and, alas, the only thing better about the movie was the access to buttered popcorn and Raisinettes.

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